The Real Epilogue
by Hippogriffgirl42
Summary: Spoliers for DH. The epilogue from a HarryHermione perspective! Did our favorite couple really end up with two Weasels? I don't think so! Read on, heavy Ginny and Ron bashing within!


OK so when I read the DH I was really confused. Because the book was totally HarryHermione all the way, and then in the end, HG randomly went and got married! Lol. I didn't get it. Then I realized JKR must have used that ending as a test for her intelligent fans. The stupid people would believe Harry really got together with Ginny, but the intelligent HarryHermione fans would infer the truth from the epilogue.

Here's my spin on events...

Harry, Hermione, Ginny and Ron all left the railroad station and piled into Hermione's car (the Weasels were too poor to afford their own). The car was pulling out of the station when Ron, the stupid, ugly, vile-tempered weasely who Hermione Jean Minerva Sophia Granger had inexplicably married started loudly whining and complaining.

"Man I've got a stomachache Ginny," he whined, showing his dirty teeth in the middle of his ugly face. "I wish I hadn't eaten that curried cabbage and baked bean pie you cooked last night. It was truly disgusting." Then a loud gurgle eminated from his stomach.

In the front seat sat what looked like a hairy, diseased hobo wearing a long red wig and a sparkly bikini. In fact, this was Ginny. She told Ron to shut up, glaring at him with her poop colored eyes. Then there was a weird sound, like a hundred marbles being dropped onto a glass floor. A virulent green and brown gas poured from where Ron was sitting, filling the air with a stench of sewage and vileness, the rank stench of a thousand years of vile Weasleys.

Everyone gagged, tears running down their faces as the unbearably toxic stink filled the air, polluting their lungs with its utter foulness, Harry and Mione reached for the windows, desperately trying to wind them down so they could gulp fresh air, but the mechanism was stuck. Finally, nearly five minutes later, Harry jerked the car to a halt and they both dashed out, scooping huge lungfuls of fresh air.

They stood staring at each other. Harry's dazzling emerald eyes met Mione's endless chocolate pools. In one moment, they knew the truth. Ron's disgusting fart had cleared their minds and set them free. They were finally free of the love potion that had controlled their minds for over a decade. They stared at each other in astonishment, reaching out to touch each others' hands.

Then Harry and Mione glanced back at the car, realizing with disgust the trick the loathesome Weasel clan had played on them. They both felt sick to the stomach. Ginny was getting out of the car, a saccharine expression on her hideous features, which Harry now recognized as the monstrously ugly thing they were. "Harry," Ginny said in a slimy voice that sounded like dung squelching under bare feet. "It's time for you to take your daily medicine."

"Not this time," Harry whispered. "I'm finally free of the false lust I felt for you, you nauseating little carbuncle." He and Mione raised their wands and with an identical gesture stunned the slimy Weasel. She fell down and Ron rushed out of the car, gibbering like a stupid ape.

"OMG shut up and make my dinner Hermione!" he bellowed, letting out a series of deafening farts. They quickly stunned Ron, and looked at each other in astonishment, not believing the mess the loathesome Weasels had made of their lives.

"I can't believe it," Mione whispered, tears sparkling in her milky latte coffee eyes. "They stole years from us. They almost destroyed any chance of us ever finding true love. They forced themselves on us. They made us breed with them."

Harry nodded. "Truly, at the end of the day, the Weasels were a worse enemy than Voldemort."

Hermione gasped. "Now I remember!" she said exclaimed shockedly. "I had a moment of freedom two years ago, but Ginny rushed in and put a curse on me before I could warn you.! I suppressed the memory until now."

Harry's hansome face twisted with fury as he imagined the damage done by that slimly slore ginny. "God how evil," he sneered, looking down at Ginny's prone form, its ugly face staring blankly up at him.

"But that's not all!" Hermione remarked. "I was looking up an old book of wizarding geneology, and I discovered the Weasel clan is actually directly descended from the evil Japanese dark wizard Uchiha Itachi, who fled to England five hundred years ago to escape justice. "Itachi" means "Weasel" in Japanese!"

"Oh my god!" Harry said, his green eyes wide behind his crystal glasses with the final recognition of the great evil that had been done to him.

"Yes!" Mione cried. "Ginny's been controlling you all these years with... the MAGENKYOU SHARINAN!"

"Holy cow!" screamed Harry. "The trampish Weaselette really is more evil than Voldemort!"

"We must act now," Hermione said, her beautiful face rigid with grim determination.

After Harry and Hermione had buried the Weasels' bodies in the woods, they shipped their 'children' off to an orphanage. It was the only fair thing to do. They hoped that Ginny's evil tendencies wouldn't manifest in their brats. Then they hopped on Buckbeak, determined to fly to America, where awaited them freedom, and a chance to live out the years of love that had been cheated out of them. 


End file.
